Normal
by gre
Summary: A normal life may be boring, but it’s also safe – and after a year of tramping aimlessly through Britain and facing countless hardships and Death Eaters who wouldn’t want just that? DH Spoilers
1. Prelude I

**DISCLAIMER: **All characters and places mentioned in this story belong to J. K. Rowling, sadly I'm only creative enough to play with them.

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**NORMAL**

**Prelude I  
**

**-**

**"The essence of normality is the refusal of reality."**

Ernest Becker, The Denial of Death and Escape from Evil

* * *

Lying in bed that evening she stared at the ceiling contemplating how it was even possible for her to move on like nothing had happened at all.

Weeks ago she had stopped worrying herself about her lack of sleep – she couldn't keep her eyes closed at night for more than just a few minutes at a time, still she was fully rested in the mornings. It was strange and normally she'd have researched till she found the reason for her sleeping disorder, but nothing was normal anymore and this was really the least important of her problems at the moment.

She sighted, finally standing up. If she couldn't sleep at least she could read a book and do a little bit of extra-curricular studying as she had finished memorising the years pensum about a month ago. It was incredible how much you could achieve only by abandoning sleep for a few months.

Gathering the book of the evening ("Beginners guide of Occlumency – Useful tips how to close your mind to prying eyes") she made herself comfortable on her bed and immersed herself in the theories and suggestions of CélineDanton.

* * *

"Hermione?"

"Huh?" Hermione raised her eyes to stare at the sleepy face of Lavender Brown.

The dorm was flooded with auroral light, clearly it was just shortly after dawn and still much too early for one of her roommates to wake up.

"How can you already be up and studying? Breakfast won't start for another few hours... Is something wrong?" Lavender asked yawning loudly.

Hermione silently cursed herself for forgetting to draw the curtains around her bed. She forced a smile on her face and replied shrugging: "Don't worry, I just couldn't sleep and therefore thought of having a head-start." Well, that wasn't even a lie afterall.

Lavender just looked at her blankly for a few seconds, as if it was unfetchable how anyone could study instead of sleeping. However she refrained from saying anything else aloud and just shook her head mumbling something sounding very much like "always thought she was crazy" and laid back down, passing out before her head even hit the pillow.

Hermione sighted in relief after observing Lavender for a few minutes and then returned to her book. But she couldn't concentrate on it anymore, so instead she let her thoughts wander.

It was so strange to be back at Hogwarts for her final year after travelling around Britain for a whole year. So strange to be wandering through the same old halls she had seen destroyed only a few months earlier. So strange to board the Hogwarts train again only to deboard it in a still not fully reconstructed Hogsmeade station. So strange to celebrate the welcoming feast, without Dumbledores annual speech. So strange to see all the frightened first years fretting anxiously awaiting to be called and sorted, but knowing it hadn't been Hagrid to get them from the station to the school. So strange to eat meals again in the great hall with so many faces that ought to be there missing. And so strange to be sitting on a bed in a warm room after having spent most part of the last year sleeping on a uncomfortable cot in a freezing tent the middle of nowhere.

She sighted again, trying to comb her hair with her fingers, a habit of frustration she had picked up from Harry, only to get them immediately stuck in her still unmanageable mass of curls.

Maybe she should try to sleep too, she contemplated silently, and maybe, when she woke up everything would be easier for her too. Maybe then she would also be able to see that everything was again how it was supposed to be. Maybe, yeah maybe, than everything would be back to normal for her too, or she would at least be able to pretend it was.

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	2. Prelude II

**DISCLAIMER: **Sadly still not mine...

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**NORMAL**

**Prelude II  
**

**-**

**Guilty of every wrongdoing that happens is not only the one committing it, but also all those, who couldn't prevent it.**

Erich Kästner, German author

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At the same time that the bushy-haired Hogwarts student finally put away her book to retire for the night, even if she strongly doubted to be able to fall asleep in the hour that still remained till she had to rise again, some miles west a lone figure apparated to the outskirts of a small town in the Scottish Highlands.

He too had been awake for the better part of the night, tossing and turning around in his bed, desperate to ban the faces and thoughts that were hunting him and gain some much needed sleep. But alas sleep hadn't come, just as it hadn't come last night or the night before or even the one before that one. Thinking about it, he couldn't remember the last time he had slept for more than a few minutes without being awakened by screams, only to realise they were his own.

With the break of dawn he had finally given up and left his bed to wander around his empty apartment trying to find something to keep him occupied till he could go to work. In moments like this he couldn't help but regret to refuse his mothers offer to let him stay in their Knightsbridge house, at least there he would have spent half an hour to tour the house and not just five minutes.

As even a cup of tea and a good book hadn't helped to settle his nerves and accelerate time, he decided that maybe a walk would help. He dressed and apparated into the woods outside of some small village on the very west of the isle of Skye. From where he stood he could see the outermost houses without being seen. It really wouldn't do, to alert some Muggle and have to deal with a bunch of grumpy wizards of the Department of Magical Accidents or Catastrophes, ready to murder him for having them up and out of their beds at 6 o'clock on a Monday morning.

So trying to keep his cover he skirted alongside a few houses till he reached the path he was looking for and started walking at a more relaxed pace, soaking in the tranquillity that could only be found in an empty forest on a chilly morning, concentrating on nothing but the squeaking sound his boots made every time they touched the wet ground.

Nearly an hour and a half later he stepped out of the woods only to me nearly floored by the strong breeze. The sound of the ocean had long been audible, but now, without trees to absorb it, it was something completely different.

He could taste the salt in the air he breathed, feel it on his skin and hear the waves crashing against the cliffs feet under him. By now the forest behind him had fully awakened and even if he couldn't hear a single bird singing, as the stormy sea swallowed every sound, he knew that they were there. Just as he knew without an ounce of doubt that there were animals scurrying around behind him, fish swimming nearly under his feet and insects flying everywhere around him.

It was incredible that after all the gruesome things that had happened in the course of the last year, something as beautiful as this morning with sunrays breaking through the clouds and reflecting themselves in the sea, that opened endlessly in front of him, making it all sparkling and glittering, was still possible. Honestly it was quite kitschy, but that wasn't the point. The point was, that nature was still alive; _he _was still alive.

Out here, the guilt, which had become his constant companion, was just slightly lighter to bear. Because even if it was still unfair that there were so many people who would have deserved to live more than he did, dozens of people he would have gladly given his life for to save, he was the one to survive and there just had to be a reason why he was spared, while people much more worthy weren't. There simply had to be an ulterior motive behind it, because otherwise, if his survival was just a sequence of lucky coincidences, there was nothing to keep the guilt at bay, nothing holding him back from taking five small steps forward and end it all himself.

He took a deep breath closing his eyes for a short moment, squared his shoulders and spun on his heal appareting back home to get ready for work.

After all, he was Kingsley Shacklebolt, youngest Minister of Magic (even if it was only temporary) in over hundreds years, he had survived so many life-threatening situations in the last years, he sure as hell would also survive this. Things would be hard, hell, things already _were _hard, but he could fight, he was used to do it anyway and in the end things would go back to how they should and he would finally be able to live a normal life – or at least he hoped so.

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	3. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER:** Wonder of wonders – I still don't own anything..

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**NORMAL**

**Chapter 1**

**-**

**A man who becomes conscious of the responsibility he bears towards a human being who affectionately waits for him, or to an unfinished work, will never be able to shirk it without feeling disgusted with himself. **

Victor Frankl, Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist

* * *

"Oi! Hermione! Are you ready already? Breakfast will be over soon! And what you taking so long for anyway?" Ron shouted from the bottom of the stairs to the girls dorms.

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" Hermione shouted back while running down stairs, balancing her schoolbag on one shoulder and trying to gather her hair in a messy bun, hoping that its bushiness would cover the fact that she hadn't had time to comb it.

"God I swear if I wasn't hungry myself he could really go to.." she silently mumbled.

"What did you say?" Ron asked her, only hearing her mutter something without being able to make out what exactly she was saying. But it was all forgotten as he saw her coming down, grinning at her he practically assaulted her the moment she had reached the common room.

Hands still in her hair she went stock-still as Ron leant down to kiss her, but he didn't seem to mind that he didn't evoke any kind of response from her. On the other hand, how could he be surprised or concerned with her lack of reaction, if every kiss they had shared that summer had been just as frigid?

God, she despised herself – Ron was so nice and sweet and perfect and he deserved someone better, someone that loved him completely and unconditionally. It wasn't that she didn't love him, because she did, she really loved him, just not in the way a girl was supposed to love her boyfriend and so she couldn't bring herself to kiss him back or even fake a bit of enthusiasm. All she could do was try not to cringe and pull back in disgust as his slippery tongue pushed its way through her closed lips into her mouth.

What kind of girlfriend was she, when every time he kissed her, or touched her, or just looked at her with his puppy-dog eyes, she started chanting in her head: _"Please let this be over soon, please let this be over soon.." _?

Wonderful, so now she didn't only find him disgusting, but she was also disgusted with herself – this day really couldn't have started any better!

Awkwardly she pulled away, smiling tight lipped at him. Clearing her throat she glanced around the common room and seeing Harry and Ginny standing just a few feet away, she smiled at them too, though this smile, just like the one she had directed at Ron only moments before, didn't reach her eyes, but alas no one seemed to notice anyway, so she said: "So – are we going to the Great Hall or what?"

Ron nodded eagerly, grabbed her hand and practically pulled her along as he ran through the corridors.

And so another school-year started at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry and looking around at breakfast she could see the students falling into the long-known pattern of everyday-life at the boarding school, while all she could think of was _"Why was it so simple for them to leave the horrors of the past behind?"_

* * *

An all too chipper "Good morning Minister!" was what greeted him the moment he stepped out of the elevator and it certainly did not help to dispel his bad mood, if anything, thinking that there were people who actually found this a _good_ morning, made it all even worse.

Maybe therefore he snapped: "Percy, how many times did I tell you: I have a name, so please, do me the favour and actually use it!" much harsher than he usually did, or maybe it was just that he was getting sick of having to repeat the same thing everyday.

Percy's cheeks tinged slightly pink and he hurried on to say: "Sorry, Mr. Shacklebolt! It won't happen again!"

Sighting Kingsley nodded, too tired to deal with this right now. "Mr. Shacklebolt" was still better than "Minister", even if it made him feel like his father was standing right next to him.

He got the mail from the Weasley boy, after having to assure him three times that it was just the same as if he would run ahead and put it on his desk. The boy was alright, but a little too eager for his taste, still, he was capable and with the workload they had to deal with at the moment every helping hand was needed.

He crossed along some corridors, greeting people here and there and finally pushing the door to his office open.

Throwing the mail on the desk he settled his briefcase next to it and started to pull of his coat, only to be interrupted by a loud knocking.

"Come in!" he called out.

"Morning Mr. Shacklebolt." Greeted his secretary while sweeping into the room, strange how it didn't bother him when she called him by his family name.

"Morning Alice." He answered, resuming the task of taking off his coat and then making himself comfortable behind his desk.

"I have the reports you asked me for yesterday." She held them up and then quickly continued: "At half past ten there's going to be a trial, which you'll have to attend by special request of the Wizengamot. It should be over just before lunch-time, which is perfect as you're going to have lunch with the Irish Minister, where you'll be able to ask for his assistance with..."

"I know, I know, I was the one who proposed the meeting, remember?"

"Sorry Mr. Shacklebolt." She murmured, pouting slightly and batting her eyelashes at him.

He cleared his throat uncomfortably, an infatuated secretary was just what he needed to make his life more interesting.

"Well, thank you Alice. If that was all.."

"Oh! Yes of course!" She put the reports she had brought with her onto the desk, smiled one of her 1000-watt smiles and left, swaying her hips a little bit too much for it to be her usual way of walking.

But what did he expect? He was just over 30, newly appointed Minister of Magic and not to forget, thanks to years of training and working as an Auror, fit and well-build. It was really no wonder nearly every single witch of Britain, and a few married ones as well, was after him. Especially since Witch Weekly had him on their list of Britain's most wanted bachelors only second to Harry Potter. But as it was common knowledge that the war hero was already spoken for (the Weasley girl had made sure of that in various interviews after the final battle), they could have just as well put him on the first place. Not that he hadn't had his fair share of women (and maybe that of a few other men as well) before, but now they were like vultures, not even waiting to get him alone before throwing themselves at him.

Shaking his head he started with the first task at hand – sorting through his mail.

* * *

He was roused from his work by Alice's knock on the door. She swept into the room, smiling her too sweet smile again, only to tell him that it was high time for him to go to the Wizengamot.

"Oh! Before I forget," she added, handing him a letter he hadn't seen her holding just a second before "this just came in. It doesn't seem very important or urgent, but you told me to give you all the letters as soon as they arrived anyway, so.."

Kingsley nodded, silently dismissing her and waiting till the door had closed before hastily opening the letter. He had learnt long ago that the most inconspicuous looking letters often were the most important and crucial ones, especially if they had the Headmistress of Hogwarts seal on them.

-

_Kingsley,_

_I hope not to have reached you at a unfavourable time, but there are some matters that I would like to discuss with you. Don't worry it is nothing of an alarming nature and it isn't even all too urgent, but it needs to be discussed anyway, so just let me know when it best suits you to come to Hogwarts._

_Sincerely,_

_Minerva McGonagall_

_Headmistress of Hogwarts_

_School for Witchcraft and Wizardry_

--

Looking at his pocket watch he hastily picked up a feather and a scroll of paper and jotted down:

-

_Minerva._

_I'll be coming to Hogwarts this afternoon. If it doesn't suit you, please let me know, otherwise till later._

_Kingsley_

--

And with that he left his office in a hurry, thrusting the letter at Alice as he passed her, telling her to send it immediately to Hogwarts, and hasted all the way down to the Courtrooms on the 10th level.

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_**A/N: **Please review!  
_


	4. Chapter 2

**DISCLAIMER:** I hope you got it by now that I dont own anything regarding Harry Potter..

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**NORMAL**

**Chapter 2**

**-**

**With aching hands and bleeding feet  
We dig and heap, lay stone on stone;  
We bear the burden and the heat  
Of the long day, and wish 'twere done.  
Not till the hours of light return  
All we have built as we discern.**

Matthew Arnold, English poet and cultural critic, Morality (st. 2)

* * *

„What do you think? Hermione? Hermione are you even listening? HERMIONE!"

"Huh? Sorry Ginny I didn't get what you were just saying..." Hermione said, finally snapping back to reality as the redhead shouted her name. She pushed some stray curls, that had freed from her bun, behind her ears while looking apprehensively around the common room to see if they had drawn some attention, but as no one seemed to mind them, she made herself once again comfortable in the armchair she sat in and concentrated on the girl in front of her.

"Really! I'd have never guessed after having to shout your name for five minutes to get your attention." Ginny deadpanned clearly annoyed.

"I was just thinking about the essay we have to write for Prof. Flitwick" Hermione tried to excuse herself.

"Right – while staring out of the window with that faraway-look? Cause I'm so gonna believe that!" then a grin spread across her face and she continued "You were thinking about Ron, weren't you?

Hermione immediately wanted to contradict her, but stopped herself. Ginny was practically handing her the perfect excuse on a silver plate – so why not let her believe what she wanted to believe? Therefore she just lowered her gaze and let her silence speak.

Apparently Ginny interpreted it just like she was supposed to and smirked.

"I knew it!" she triumphally exclaimed "But you know, you don't have to act like that, I think about Harry all the time too, that's nothing to be embarrassed about, except if.. Oohhhh! Hermione were you having dirty thoughts about my brother?"

"Ginny!" Hermione cried outraged before she could refrain herself, blushing profoundly "Of course I wasn't!"

Ginny scrutinised her for a while then sighted. "From that reaction I'm taking it that you and Ron still haven't done it... Poor Ron - must be getting quite impatient, but on the other hand he loves you, so he'll be a good boy and wait till the two of you are married."

For the second time that evening she choose to not contradict Ginny. It was easier to let her believe that she wanted to be married before having sex with anybody instead of having to explain why it just didn't feel right with Ron.

So she cleared her throat and changed the subject. "So what were you telling me before?"

"Oh! I think Harry's going to propose soon!" Ginny squealed excitedly, bouncing up and down in her armchair.

"What! Really?" Now that really was a surprise. It was obvious that the two of them would marry someday and have the happily ever after they deserved. But now? For Merlin's sake they were just 17 and 18! Not that it was strange to marry so young in the magical world, but with Harry having grown up with Muggles she thought he'd be more reasonable and wait till he was at least mid twenty before tying his whole life to one girl, even if that girl _was_ Ginny.

"I know, I know! I can barely believe it myself! He has been staring oddly at me for some time and he kept looking at my hands, but I thought nothing of it, why would I? Well, anyway, do you remember how some weeks ago I tried Fleur's ring on? You know the one with the pretty blue stone?"

How could she forget? Ginny had flaunted it into everybody's face, exclaiming that she wanted a ring just like that one for her engagement. Thought, she hadn't thought Harry would take such a childish declaration seriously.

Noticing that Ginny was waiting for some kind of affirmation, that she could in fact remember said ring, she nodded her head and the other girl continued.

"Apparently he wrote Fleur asking her for the specifics of the ring. You know things like size, name of the stone, cut and all that. And why would he do that if he didn't want to purchase a similar one and ask me to become his wife?"

That seemed to be a rhetorical question as Ginny didn't wait for a response, but went on. "Oh! I always wanted a summer wedding! I hope he doesn't wait till graduation to ask me, because then all the planning would have to be done in a month. Mum would get hysterical, with such short notice, but I guess I could just pretend to know nothing and plan ahead..."

"Ginny don't you think you're getting a little bit ahead of yourself? Maybe he bought the ring as a Crimbo present or as a promise ring or something like that." She really hoped that was Harry's intention even if she highly doubted it herself. _Still it is better if she doesn't get her hopes up, otherwise she'll be completely crushed if her wish doesn't come true._

"Nonsense!" Ginny dismissed the thought with a wave of her hand and asked instead: "Would you be my maid of honour? I thought it would be nice, you know, you being the maid of honour on my wedding and me being the one at yours. Oh this summer will be great!! With both of our weddings there will so much to celebrate..."

"Excuse me?!" Hermione shrieked "What the hell are you talking about? I'm not going to marry this summer! I'm not going to marry at all in the near future!"

Ginny just looked at her with her big blue eyes wide open. "What do you mean you aren't going to marry this summer? Of course you are! I mean, if Harry's looking for a ring for me, then you can be sure that Ron is looking for one for you. You know how they are, always taking all the big decisions together... Hermione are you alright? You're looking awfully pale."

"I... I'm sorry Ginny, but I don't really feel so good.. I.. I just... I think I just need some fresh air!" and with that she bolted out of the armchair, picked up her coat and scarf and hurried out of the common room and all the way to the entrance hall only slowing down when she finally stepped out of doors.

While all the way up in the Gryffindor tower a red haired girl still stared at the now closed portrait hole and wondered what exactly had just happened.

* * *

"Minerva you cant be serious!" he exclaimed. Of all the things he had expected to hear at this meeting, this definitely wasn't one of them.

Minerva just glanced at him, raising both of her eyebrows. "Kingsley, in all the years you have known me – when have I ever been anything _but_ serious?"

"But... But why?" He asked astonished.

"I already told you, I'm getting old and after everything that happened in the last year.." she sighted trying to find the right words, "I just feel so tired. I thought that maybe it would pass, that after the war ended and Hogwarts was rebuild it would just go away, but it hasn't, and I just can't continue like this, it'll only send me to an early grave."

Kingsley exhaled loudly: "I understand, or at least I think I do, but why are you telling me this only now?"

"I promised Albus that I wouldn't abandon the school at its worst, closed and in ruins, that I would help rebuild it and make it open again in all its former glory. The school has been rebuild and opened, today was the first school day and everything went smoothly – I kept my promise, now I'm free to decide how to spend the rest of my life."

Seeing that Kingsley was about to interject something, she held up her hand, silencing him.

"Of course I'm not going to just pack my things and leave you to deal with everything, I'll be staying as long as I'm needed and maybe someday I'll even come back to teach. Honestly, I'm not sure I'll be able to stay away from the children for long."

"I see you put much thought into this.. You're sure there's nothing I can say or do to make you change your mind? We could look for a Transfiguration teacher, maybe things would be easier without that additional burden."

She smiled benevolently at him but shook her head. "By now you should know me good enough, to realise that teaching has never and will never be a burden for me. It is the only thing that is making all the workload I have to deal with at the moment more bearable."

"Well then if there's nothing I can do to keep you here, we'll just have to decide who's going to be your successor... I hope you have someone in mind, because as far as I can see there aren't any suitable candidates."

"Why yes, in fact I already thought of someone, and before you contradict me, I really gave it much thought, I would never be leaving, if I wasn't absolutely sure she's apt for the post."

Now that really piked his interest.. _Who is it? And why can't she just come out with the name?_

"Minerva please, would you just tell me who she is?" He finally asked her exasperated as her silence became just too long and her hesitant gaze slightly unsettling. _Why is she so nervous about this_?

"Poppy Pomfrey."

"Madam Pomfrey?" he repeated incredulously. _Now_ he could understand why she had been hesitant.

"Yes."

"Are you serious?"

As Minerva only glared at him, he hurried to say: "But she's a healer! She doesn't know a thing about teaching and teachers and what the duties and responsibilities of a Headmistress are!"

"Kingsley you're forgetting, that, yes, Poppy is a healer, but she has always worked at Hogwarts, she knows all the students and teachers and attended every staff-meeting. Therefore she knows the school. Of course, there is still much that she has to be shown, but if she accepts the post I'd teach her all she has to know and gladly help her out whenever the need would arise."

"You got it all already worked out, haven't you?" He murmured slightly put out.

Why was she even bothering telling him all this like she actually wanted to hear his opinion? It was clear she wasn't _asking_ for his approval – but _requesting_ it. He finally understood why Fudge had always been so ill-tempered and frustrated after returning from Hogwarts - it seemed to have become a tradition that the schools' headmasters only consulted the current Minister of Magic out of obligation and not because they genuinely wanted to hear what they had to say.

Her prolonged silence was answer enough.

"So how you want to do it then?" He asked resigned, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

"Well, I'll be staying here till the end of this school year and in this time I would show her what her duties and responsibilities - as you put it - would be, that is, of course, only if she accepts."

"What about the hospital wing?"

"We'd have to get a half time help for this year and assume a new healer next year."

He nodded. "That sounds acceptable, though I wish you good luck finding a healer, they've become pretty rare.. Still, even if you really should be able to get a healer, what if Madam Pomfrey doesn't agree?"

"Then I'll be staying here till someone else that is just as adequate and actually agrees is found. I meant what I said before, I won't abandon the school. You really don't have to worry about me ever entrusting the school to someone who isn't fully capable to handling it."

"Very well. Thanks for informing me. If that was all I'll be leaving."

He was about to stand up when she spoke again: "Do you have further engagements today?"

"No, why?"

"I thought, if you haven't already other plans, you could stay here and have dinner with us. You know visit the library or take a walk around the grounds, its such a lovely September afternoon and you really should take some time off. I mean, if I'm tired with my workload I can't even begin to imagine how you must feel. I know you are younger, but you still have to rest sometimes too. And the house elves would be absolutely thrilled to be able to cook for our dear new Minister. So what do you say?"

Kingsley looked out of the window, it really was a wonderful sunny and warm September afternoon. Then he turned again and grinned at Minerva. "I'd say, that is a wonderful idea! Probably the only good one you had all afternoon long."

Her glare only made his grin cockier. "You know I didn't mean it like that."

As that didn't help and she only continued to glare at him he hastily left her office, calling over his shoulder: "Well then I'll be on the grounds if you need me!"

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_**A/N: **Please review!_


	5. Chapter 3

**DISCLAIMER: **You recognise something? Well then, that most definitely doesn't belong to me.

* * *

**NORMAL**

**Chapter 3**

**-**

**Few things help an individual more than to share a secret with him, place responsibility upon him, and thus to let him know that you trust him.**

Booker T. Washington, American educator, author and leader of the African American community

* * *

He didn't know what compelled him to head to the lake instead of walking to the Forbidden Forest, like he had originally planned, or why, when finally there, he started to stroll along its perimeter, but glancing at the surface of the water was strangely addicting, even if it did bring back the worst memories of his life – maybe he really did have some masochistic tendencies like Tonks always had claimed.

He cursed out loud, he just had to mention her name, didn't he? His throat constricted painfully – Tonks, _oh Tonks_..

She had been fighting at his side at the final battle, till she ran off searching her husband, only to never come back. God, he had been so stupid to let her go, especially as he had promised Remus to keep an eye on her and so to try to keep her out of harm's way. And what had he done instead? He he had let her walk right into the danger, without even trying to stop her.

Therefore, the fact that Teddy Lupin would never get to know his mother was entirely his fault..

He tried to direct his thoughts elsewhere while he concentrated again on the surface of the dark water, but now that his mind had started to relive that particular night there was no stopping it.

When it all had ended he had been one of the few ones still fighting on the grounds and not in the Great Hall observing the final battle. He had remained near the lake till the last Death Eaters had been beaten or escaped, and afterwards, when there was nobody left to fight and nothing else to do, he had started to pull the cadavers out of the water, trying to gauge how many lives had been lost. If he closed his eyes he could still smell the odour of burned wood mixed with that of burned flesh, hear the defeating silence that had followed the battle cries hitting his eardrums painfully, feel the ice cold water close around him as he immersed himself into it to pull out the dead.

At that time he hadn't even considered using magic – it just seemed disrespectful, as if a "Mobilcorpus" would disrupt their seemingly peaceful sleep. Only afterwards did he realise that nothing would have been able to wake them from their eternal sleep.

His heart had constricted even more painfully as it dawned on him that all the corpses he had pulled out of the water were nothing compared to the number of ones he saw lying around on the grounds as he made his way back to the castle. And as gruesome as it sounds, having to identify people just by their robes (as their faces were too disfigured to recognise) was still better than having to stare into their wide open eyes, that still held all the fear they had felt as they saw a green flash advance towards them.

Sometimes he just wished he could oblivate himself.

Taking his eyes from the even surface of the cold water to look ahead, he stopped dead in his tracks. He hadn't expected to meet anyone so far from the school and thus he was even more surprised by the sight that met his eyes: There, only a few feets away from him, sat a girl, no, a young woman, as if she was rooted to that exact spot, staring completely motionless right ahead of her, seemingly dead to the rest of world.

It wasn't so much her looks that entranced him and prevented him from walking on and simply passing her, but more the atmosphere surrounding her. She seemed to emit a strange sadness, tingeing the air and nature around her with so much melancholy that it seemed palpable and made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

He couldn't take his eyes of her, afraid she would simply dissolve into thin air and turn out to be just a figment of his fleeting imagination, proving finally that he had really lost it. With her pale skin, shimmering brown hair and billowing black robes, she looked strangely ethereal, more like a goddess or some sort of nymph than a mere human being, especially as he couldn't believe that such a sad creature could be from this world.

Suddenly she turned her head and stared straight at him. A smile appeared on her face, though he noticed it didn't reach her beautiful big brown eyes, filled with so much hurt and desperation that it took his breath away. As if she had noticed that he didn't buy her fake cheerfulness, her smile faltered and dropped as quickly from her face as it had appeared on it.

"Hello Kingsley! Or should I be calling you Minister?" she whispered and strangely her words carried through the blowing wing as if she had spoken right into his ear and he couldn't help but shudder a little bit. Just as he coudn't help but be enchanted with the movement her beautiful rosy pink lips made to pronounce his name.

It took him a few seconds to realise what she had said and even longer to recognise her voice. And as it finally penetrated his thick skull exactly who he was talking to he couldn't believe it. It just _couldn't_ be _her_.

"Hermione?!" he half asked, half exclaimed completely surprised.

At her raised eyebrow he added hastily: "Sorry, but for a moment I didn't recognise you.." _So much for stating the obvious..._ he thought to himself.

He paused again, staring at her, trying to grasp the fact that the ethereal looking figure from earlier was in fact the somewhat plain girl he knew for over three years.

Finally he continued: "And Kingsley is fine, honestly I can't stand people calling me by my title and not by my name, it's just ridiculous! And I think riding a Thestral together has definitely qualified you to be one of the selected few allowed to call me by my given name."

He winked at her and started to approached her cautiously, still not completely comfortable with the idea of her being the mysterious woman from earlier. He stopped right next to her and motioned to the ground beside her. As she realised what he was mutely asking she nodded, allowing him to sit down next to her. Her breath hitched slightly as he lowered himself so near her that their bodies were touching. She could feel him right next to her, his warmth and scent enveloping her, making her strangely dizzy.

Boy did he smell good.

Though, she had to admit that after sharing a small tent with two teenage boys for a year, everything that didn't smell of sweat and penetrating deodorant was already fragrant. Still, his perfume was definitely above the average good odour and she was trying hard to control herself and not lean closer and take a long sniff.

Pulling herself together, after all this was only Kingsley, she looked him straight in the eyes again and asked: "So.. what brings you to Hogwarts?"

Her brown eyes were really beautiful – how strange he hadn't noticed it before. Had he ever even taken the time to look her straight into the eyes? Probably not, as he surely would remember them being so incredible brown. It was like staring into pools of sweet, melted, dark chocolate, he could get lost in, dreaming of being able to immerse himself in them. He unconsciously licked his lips. He simply _loved_ dark chocolate...

Smacking himself mentally he noticed she was waiting for some kind of reaction from him, and so he finally answered her vaguely: "This and that..." _What had her question even been? _He hoped to have guessed right, and she really wanted to know why he was at Hogwarts, because if she had asked something else (for example how he had been) than he had officially made a complete fool of himself.

She searched his eyes for something and then, having apparently found whatever it was she was looking for, she turned to gaze back at the lake and mumbled softly: "You know if you can't or don't want to tell me why you're here, just say so."

He didn't know what to reply to that, relieved that his intuition hadn't abandoned him, so he kept silent, directing his gaze too to the lake.

He couldn't tell how long they just sat there in comfortable silence looking straight ahead, and it wasn't really important either. Time seemed to have stopped, it just wasn't important anymore; right then, right there nothing was important. It was just the two of them, two individuals sitting on the lakeside completely lost in their respective contemplations.

Suddenly he felt her move and form the corner of his left eye he saw her getting ready to stand up and leave. A sudden sense of panic he couldn't really explain took hold of him.

He didn't want her to leave, didn't want to be left alone with his depressing memories – he hadn't felt so calm and carefree as he felt right now for a long time he wasn't willing to allow her to end it already, so he blurted out the first thing he could think of:

"Minerva's going to retire." _Shit! _

That definitely wasn't something he was supposed to tell a student, but it had the desired effect – she settled back.

"What?" Hermione asked, completely surprised. She had been ready to leave, getting uncomfortable with the prolonged silence, as he had decided to speak up again, although what he said didn't make much sense.

"You asked me why I'm here and that's the reason. Minerva wants to retire. She wrote me this morning asking me to come over so she could tell me." He elaborated.

"Oh" was all she could think of to say. _Really eloquent for the brightest witch of her age.._

"I wasn't really supposed to tell anyone, least of all a student – so please keep it to yourself." He continued as if he was adding a mere afterthought, and not making sure that the next time he met Minerva she wouldn't want to behead him.

"Sure"

And even if he didn't know her all that well he was completely certain that she would keep to her promise and refrain from telling anyone else.

It felt strangely liberating talking to her, so he went on: "And you also shouldn't tell anyone that she wants to ask Pomfrey to be her successor."

She turned her head to look at him sharply. _Pomfrey_

Why was he even telling her all this? Should she dare to ask?

In the end all she did say was a simple "Of course". Because really, if he wanted to tell her, who was she to stop him? And maybe there was a reason why he was entrusting her with all this information, how could she know?

He didn't really know what drove him to say what he said next, maybe it was that he felt as if for the first time in a very long while he was talking and not just speaking, or maybe it was because she was listening and not just hearing, most likely, however, it was simply a combination of both factors. One of these moments when everything fell perfectly together, a at-the-right-time-at-the-right-place-situation, where you were compelled to say or do things you normally would never even dream of, but right then it seemed the logical and right procedure. And so he spoke:

"She said, Minerva that is, that she's too tired, that she simply can't continue to carry all the responsibilities for the school, that they burden her too much... And I understand that, really, I do, and of course I respect her choice.. But honestly! We all got so much to bear right now... It's normal, we just finished being at war, there are still so many Death Eaters on the run, so many buildings to rebuild, so many wounds to heal.. What did she expect? Everything going back to normal as soon as the Dark Lord was no more? ... You know, it wasn't even so much what she said that got under my skin, but how she said it. It sounded like she was the only one suffering from the losses, the only one tired.. Does she really think it's easier for me? Just because I'm younger? Or because I don't show it? Because it isn't! I'm tired too! I too have lost people I love! I too have seen people dying in front of my eyes without being able to save them..."

He stopped his tirade only because he was getting short on air. Tired he rubbed the bridge of his nose. Why was he even telling her all this? It wasn't her business and she hadn't wanted to hear it, but once he had started he just couldn't stop. The words had just flown out of his mouth and he could do absolutely nothing to hold them back. He felt strangely lighter now, as if an incredible heavy weight had been lifted of his shoulders.

It was so obvious she hadn't the slightest idea how to react to his little outburst or what to say, but it was fine like that. He preferred her speechlessness to some empty words she didn't really believe herself.

They lapsed again into silence, though it was broken sooner than he thought by her low murmur.

"I don't love Ron."

At first he wasn't sure if he had heard her right, but before he could ask her to repeat herself she continued:

"Ginny expects us to get married right after graduation. He, Ron I mean, probably believes that too. Honestly I think everybody thinks we're going to do it, well, except for my parents, but they don't even know they have a daugther, so I guess that doesn't really count anyway... " here she paused, a painful expression contorting her beautiful features.

_Her parents don't remember having a daugther? What was she talking about? How could you forget having a child?_ But again before he could open his mouth to ask she went on.

"I don't want to marry him! I don't love him! I know I should, because he's nice, and sweet, he cares about me and respects me, and he'd always be there for me and help me wherever he could. He'd be a perfect husband, loving and caring ... and who doesn't want a perfect husband? ... But I can't, I just can't – the thought of marrying somebody I don't really love just makes me sick. And I tried to love him, I really tried, but it just doesn't work! And I know I should tell him, but then I'll break his heart and he doesn't deserve that... But even if I don't tell him, sooner or later he's going to notice it on his own, 'cause I'm not that good as an actress to fool him for long... Honestly I wonder how he didn't perceive it till now... And when he finally notes it, it's gonna hurt him even more, because then I'll have lied to him and led him on.. He doesn't deserve to be hurt by me, he has done nothing wrong!"

It was like a dam had broken and every thought and emotion she had bottled up in the last months had now broken free and revealed itself, and she could do nothing, absolutely nothing to stop the words of coming out of her mouth, nor could she stop the tears that were starting to fall.

"It's all my fault... All my fault! I'm going to hurt him whatever I do.. And the worst is, I still don't know what I'm going to do! I'm still waiting a perfect solution to just pop up.. I know it's foolish and it's not going to happen, and that I'm just waisting time.. But I can't help myself, I just don't want to hurt me, because even if I don't love him as a boyfriend, I still love him like a brother and a best friend.. He doesn't deserve to be hurt, just because I'm not able to love him back like he should be loved!"

She was openly weeping now, and that in front of a complete stranger; well, nearly complete stranger and her embarrassment only made the tears flow faster.

Kingsley, on the other hand didn't know what to do, he had never been good at dealing with crying females, usually being the one to make them cry after breaking their hearts and so he just stared at her trying to decide what was appropriate to say and how he could calm her down.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't be telling you this, it has nothing to do with you and you obviously don't want to hear it, and I know you already have enough to worry about without having to deal with a hysterical female, but it's just..." here she hiccuped loudly, "It's just.. I have nobody to talk to and... And I just miss my mum so much... And I... I... I just want my mummy!"

And with that Hermione completely broke down, not caring about how childish she had just sounded, and something in Kingsley snapped.

He reached for her, pulling her onto his lap, hugging her tightly and starting to slowly rock her back and forth, alternating between rubbing small circles along her back with one hand and stroking her hair with the other as she continued to weep against his chest.

As hugging didn't seem enough to calm her he began murmuring in a soothing voice that everything was going to be alright again, that things would get easier eventually and that in the end all would be good again and she would be able to live a happy and normal life. But if he had to be completely honest with himself he wasn't sure for whose sake he was saying all these things, hers or his own...

* * *

**_A/N:_ **_So first of all a big thanks to all of you who read this and reviewed!_

_I'm not entirely happy with this chapter, but on the other hand I haven't been happy with the earlier ones as well (this story just doesn't want to go the way I want it to) so I'll probably just have to get used to it..._

_Well, anyway I hope I portrayed them in a believable way and they are still in character – the whole emotional-breakdown-part was kind of difficult, cause I didn't want them to sound whiny (I really don't think that's a character trait of eighter one of them), but just overstrained with all that happened and the fact that they are not able to cope with it, as they don't want to seem week or frail. It's actual quite a common profile to deal with things for people who have a lot of responsibilities and when we discussed it in my psychology course last week I thought it fitted Hermione and Kingsley perfectly. They want to keep up the façade of being strong and perfectly in control for the rest of the world, as if people would think less of them if they showed the sorrow and pain they feel and if you bottle your emotions up for too long they tend to come out at the strangest moments._

_Please review!  
_


	6. Chapter 4

**DISCLAIMER: **Don't own Harry Potter!

* * *

**NORMAL**

**Chapter 4**

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**We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations.**

Anais Nin, Cuban-French author

* * *

"We have an audience" Ginny suddenly announced nodding her head towards the Head table.

Hermione turned her head too, immediately catching Kingsley's eyes with hers.

He seemed to be deep in thought, although she couldn't fully read the look he was giving her, it made her feel a little bit uneasy. Whatever was he thinking about? Still she smiled gratefully at him, remembering how caring and understanding he had been that afternoon, before averting her gaze back to her plate.

Now it was her turn to be deep in thought, but she hadn't really a chance to start contemplating, before Ginny spoke up again.

"What was that all about?" she asked curiously.

"What?" Hermione answered confused.

"Right now. You and Shacklebolt. What was that about?"

"Nothing!" she cringed at her own protective tone, which made sure that Ginny believed that there most definitely _was_ something. But honestly, why did Ginny always have to have her nose around in things that weren't her business anyway?

"Oh believe me I know what nothing _looks_ like and, even more importantly, I know what nothing _sounds_ like, and _that_ most definitely was _not_ nothing." As Hermione didn't grace her with an answer she continued "Come oooon! Hermione, tell me... Please? ... Pretty, pretty please? I'm your best friend, if you can't tell me, who can you tell??"

How a 17 year old could pull off the-fife-year-whining-tone as good as Ginny would forever remain a mystery to her, but she tried to make her back off again: "It's really nothing!"

As Ginny only continued to stare at her with an unfaltering gaze, clearly not buying it, Hermione decided to relent, and at least tell her something to get her off her back. And after all, Ginny _was_ her best friend, and she had been reminded what happened when she kept things for herself just that afternoon.

Trying to decide how much she actually wanted to tell Ginny and how she could phrase it so that she wasn't outright lying, she started with a simple and absolute true statement: "It really was no big deal, we met on the grounds and talked for a little bit."

"No big deal? Ignoring the fact that you were talking to the _Minister, _which in itself is no everyday occurrence, whatever you were talking about made you cry and judging from how red and bloodshot your eyes still are, you cried quite a lot. So don't try to tell me it was nothing important, because obviously it was."

Hermione touched her eyelids self-consciously, only realising how she had to look as she felt how puffy and swollen they felt.

"You didn't seriously think I'd believe that you look like you do just because the wind was blowing while you were taking your walk outside? I mean honestly, you couldn't come up with a lamer excuse even if you tried" Ginny continued.

"I.." Hermione didn't really know what to say, too preoccupied looking at Harry and Ron, sitting on the bench opposite her silently discussing something. _Had they noticed too?_

Ginny, reading her worried glance towards the two boys right in front to them, snorted. "Honestly, Hermione! They're _boys_. Of course they haven't noticed."

"Uhh... right. Thanks."

"So you were telling me about this afternoon." Ginny prodded on.

Hermione quickly gathered her thoughts and elaborated: "You see after our conversation I needed some fresh air and so I went outside to take a walk." Well, that was definitely true.

"I was sitting by the lake, when Kingsley came along." Still no lie.

"We started talking and I don't know... the things he told me – they got to me... You know there's still so much going on... There are still so many people out there missing, and I... I just had to think about my parents – I miss them so much!" A little far-fetched as she hadn't solely cried, because she missed her parents, but still true. Wow, she was getting really good at this.

She was pulled out of her musings by Ginny's "Oh, Hermione!"

"I'm sorry, I know it's silly..." she started, only to be immediately interrupted.

"Hermione it's not silly! You haven't seen or heard your parents in over a year – it's natural that you miss them! And you have nothing to be sorry about, nothing of this is you fault!"

"No?" Hermione asked slightly incredulous. How could it be anything _but_ her fault? She was the one to send them off to the other side of the world, she was the one to rob them of their memories and any recollection of ever having had a daughter...

"Of course not! It's all Kingsley's fault" Ginny exclaimed.

"What?" she asked, taken completely by surprise by Ginny's absurd statement. _Just how could this be Kingsley's fault?He didn't even know about her parents..._

"It's obviously Kingsley's fault! He shouldn't have talked about the problems the ministry is having at the moment. Those are his problems and he shouldn't be bothering you with them. For heavens sake, this doesn't regard you, or any of us for that matter! We've been through enough, we don't need to be loaded with this too! He should have been more considerate!"

"Ginny!" she exclaimed outraged, trying hard to control the volume of her voice. The last thing she wanted was to attract the attention of someone else. Not sure on how to continue and if it would be such a good idea to defend Kingsley and so further Ginny's suspicions that something else had happened, she finally said: "How can you say something like that? How can you even _think_ something like that!? I'm no porcelain doll, you have to put on a shelf! I don't have to be shielded from reality! I know we've been through a lot, I was there – remember? But that just proves that I don't break easily!"

"Well, you obviously broke down today, didn't you?" she shot back, without missing a beat.

Hermione just gaped at her, completely dumbfounded. Was this really Ginny?

"I know it's not easy to recognise your own limits, especially if you are an overachiever like yourself, but the war is over now. We don't have to be worried anymore. We can finally go back to live a normal life."

Seeing how Hermione was about to contradict her she continued quickly: " There, there! Just eat something, you haven't had anything decent all day long! And then lets go to the common room, I think you should have an early night this evening. Sleep will do you some good, and you'll see when you wake up again everything will be alright."

And with that Ginny showed another spoon full of mashed potatoes on her plate and she could do nothing but stare wide-eyed at her younger friend, thinking: _When the hell did she become so much like Mrs. Weasley? And seriously: 'go to sleep and tomorrow everything will be alright'? Does she think I'm three?_

* * *

Even if she had been send to sleep early by Ginny as soon as they reached the Common Room, now lying in bed she couldn't bring herself to close her eyes.

She couldn't help but feel embarrassed about what had happened that afternoon. She had always been so proud of herself for being calm and collected in all situations.

Well, she knew she wasn't always rational thinking – there was a reason for her being in Gryffindor and not Ravenclaw after all. And the whole devil-plant-incident back in first year had been a dead giveaway that thinking rational in an emotional draining situation didn't come natural to her. But she had taught herself to keep a cool head in every situation and she had been successful, so successful in fact, that she had fooled even herself into believing she had outgrown her impulsiveness.

She had always admired her father for being so calm and collected when things became difficult. Her mum always referred to him as a steady rock, a safety net, someone they could always rely on to calm her down when she was being irrational, to make everything alright again.

Hermione had always wanted to be a rock too, someone able to pull out of her sleeve backup plans and she had worked hard to become just like that, hating herself every time she allowed her temper to overrule the perfect image she was trying to create. Oh, how she despite herself when her temperament showed itself through stubbornness or her silly fights with Ron. And she still cringed thinking back how she had lost every ounce of collection and aloofness when she had shouted at Prof. Treawleney or had slapped Malfoy, instead of acting like the sovereign and better person she was trying to be and just walking away.

And that afternoon had proved once again that she could bottle up her emotion as much as she wanted, sooner or later they always found a way to come out.

She turned around in her bed, now staring out of her window, contemplating why she had to take so much after her mother. _Oh mummy.._

Fed up with the whole not-sleeping-and-thus-thinking-too-much-business, she threw her bed cowers off and left, maybe stretching her legs would help her shut her thoughts down.

* * *

"So we meet again.."

Startled she turned around, surprised she hadn't heard the stranger approach.

Seeing who it was she turned around again to look at the night sky, only murmuring "Apparently" as a greeting.

"Soooo... You stalking me?" he drawled, a teasing lint in his voice.

The corner of her mouth quirked in amusement and she answered: " Shouldn't I be the one asking that? Seeing as you were the one seeking me out and disrupting my peace?"

"Ah, that may be true, but _I_ have no reason to look for you; _you_ on the other hand... well let's just say that I understand were you're coming from, I'm after-all the new minister, intelligent, competent, witty, handsome, attractive,.."

At her snort he trailed off.

"Conceited much?" she asked bemused.

"Nah, just a tad. Comes with the job requirement and with finding out that you're secretary is so obsessed with you that she founded a fan-club and is nicking of your bitten pencil and pens and saves every note you write." He told her while moving to stand next to her at the railing of the tower.

"That's kind of scary.. Do you realise how many potions alone she could make using your saliva?"

"Oh I do." , he shuddered overdramatically, " But she's a Hufflepuff through and through, hasn't a conning or manipulating bone in her body. And her Potion OWLs were disastrous, I wonder how she convinced Snape to even let her take them."

After a few minutes he turned to look at fully and asked her: "What are you doing here at this hour anyway?"

"You know I could ask you the same thing." She told him evasively.

"You could, but that doesn't change that I asked you first."

She turned to face him, surprised to find him standing next to her, she was really getting too sloppy at the whole constant-vigilance thing, the war may have ended but they still weren't save from attacks. Pushing those depressing thoughts to the very back of her consciousness, she asked teasingly: "What are you? Five?"

"Actually I turned 32 about six month ago" he told her smugly, then turning serious he continued: "Come on tell me why you aren't tucked away sleeping in your dorm, like you're supposed to. You know as repaying me for not taking you to some teacher as I ought to do with students I find wandering around in the wee hours of the morning."

"I'm not wandering and you're not supposed to be about the castle at this hours either. You shouldn't even be on Grounds anymore!" she told him defensively.

"That may be true, but those are just technicalities and, after all, I am the Minister" he told her smirking gleefully.

"So you're saying that as Minister you're above the rules?" she asked, raising an eyebrow skeptically, "Shouldn't you as Minister set a good example and follow the rules?"

"You mean like you, as Head Girl, are doing right now?" he asked back now grinning smugly and raising his own eyebrows in question.

"Touché." She told him faltering slightly.

"Don't worry we aren't really _breaking_ the rules anyway, we're just _bending_ them, I'm still here because I just finished doing something I couldn't do before, and you're not out alone after hours, 'cause, obviously, I'm here."

"You do realise that nobody is going to buy that, right?"

"Oh don't be so pessimistic, the only person that would give you detention regardless of my alibi, would be Snape, and thank god, _he_ isn't around anymore."

Her breath caught in her throat and she only manage to rasp out: "Yeah thank god.." and quickly averted her wet eyes to rome over the grounds, hoping he hadn't noticed the catch in her tone. Harry had done his best to clear Snape's name, but people had a hard time to overcome their yearlong prejudice concerning him, as the deeds he had done to maintain his Death Eater cover, especially the one he had committed were she was standing right now, were still fresh in people's minds.

Kingsley seemed to eithter not notice her discomfort or decide that that wasn't a conversation that he wanted to lead at the moment and just continued grinning at her.

"Don't think you distracted me enough to not notice that you still haven't answered my question: What are you doing up here?"

She shrugged, still not looking at him and finally mumbled noncommittally: "Jus' thinking"

He followed her gaze into the night, letting his eyes too take in the spectacular view, while focusing on nothing and everything at the same time.

After a few minutes he broke the silence again: "You coming here often? To think, I mean."

"No, it's the first time I've been up here since..." she trailed off biting her lip, not sure if she was ready to utter those words where she was standing, but as it was she hadn't to finish her sentence as Kingsley finished it for her: "Since he died"

A silent "Mhm" was the only response he got from her.

He looked around the perimeter of the platform they were standing on and asked, before he could stop himself: "You know where exactly it happened?"

"Is that really important?" She shot back and just as he was about to open his mouth and answer her she went on, "But no, I don't know. Harry never told me, and I never asked. I don't want to press him about that, it's still such a sore subject for him, so I just steer clear from it. If you want to know it so badly," and now a angered and bitter tone swept into her voice, "you can ask Ginny; maybe she knows. Afterall she's Harry's girlfriend and he tells her _absolutely everything_."

It was his turn to raise his eyebrows at the sneer and amount of bitterness that covered her face as she muttered the last sentence more to herself than to him.

"Ah no, it's not so important to go around and question people I barely once talked to about it.. and for what it's worth, I don't think they're getting much _talk_ done anyway."

He laughed outright at the look of horror that filled her face, as she finally understood what he meant, her naivety was endearing.

"Ewww! I _so_ didn't want to hear that and Harry's not the type!"

"Oh please! He's eighteen.. Guys that age, well guys in general if we're honest, have better things to do with their girlfriends than _talk to _them." He enjoyed the disgruntled look in her eyes so much that he continued teasing her, "Just think about you and your boyfriends; are _you_ ever _just talking_?"

And with that the light mood that had been between them vanished and she stiffened next to him.

_Oh shit!_ How could he forget, when just that afternoon she had cried on his shoulder about the problems she had with that Weasley boy and he had to go and mention him? How stupid could he possibly get?

"I'm sorry." He told her sincerely. "It just slipped out, I didn't mean to upset you or anything – honestly I didn't mean anything by it, I don't even _know_ why I said it, it obviously was totally out of line.."

"It's ok" she said to interrupt his babbling.

"It is?"

"Well, no, not really, " she sighted wearily, "_but_ you didn't do it on purpose and you're sorry, so.." she shrugged again.

"Of course I'm sorry! And it won't happen again! I promise." He offered with the lightest hint of mischief in his tone.

Picking it up she asked as seriously as she could: "Cross you heart and die?"

"Of course! Swear it on my boyscout honour and all that!" He told her smiling, happy she was still in the mood to tease him.

"You were a boyscout?" she asked surprised, trying to picture him as a small boy in a beige-green uniform.

"Well.. no. But that doesn't mean I want to smudge their honour by breaking my promise, now does it?"

At that she laughed out loud, but didn't answer in any other way, letting the conversation die out again.

* * *

After a while the wind started picking up more and she shivered, her thin summer robes, not warm enough for a September night in Scotland.

Kingsley noticing her shivering took out his wand and muttered a quick warming-charm.

"Thanks I left my wand in the dorm."

He nodded, not reproaching her for being so thoughtless as to leave her wand behind; she was bright enough to realise how stupid she'd been anyway.

So instead he asked: "Are you going to tell me, why you came all the way up here just to think? Couldn't you do it in your Common Room, I'm sure it is deserted at this hour – there you'd have your peace, it'd be warm and cosy and you wouldn't have to worry to being found."

After a moment she answered: "The stars."

At his questioning and slightly confused look she elaborated: " I wanted to see the stars, and this is the Astronomy Tower for a reason, it's the best place to look at them."

As his eyebrows remained raised and he continued to look like he still didn't understand her reasoning she went on.

"I suppose it's a Muggle thing I got from my father, the obsession with the stars and the universe and all there is in space. I think better when I'm looking at the stars, they relativise my problems."

He looked even more confused than before so she sighted, not entirely sure if she'd be able to find the right words to make him see what she meant.

"When I was little and upset my father used to take me outside in our backyard at night. He would spread out some sort of blanket and we'd be sitting or lying on it drinking hot chocolate while looking at the stars.

"He'd be telling me the names of some constellations or galaxies or such and at some point he'd always turn serious and tell me to just look at _how many_ stars I saw, even encouraging me to count as many as I wanted, and then telling me that _all those stars _still didn't even make a fourth of the whole universe.

We humans often forget just how big the universe is, because we only know our own planet, and it's the same thing with our problems. We get so worked up about some silly little problems we have, that we lose sight of the overall picture.

And if we stop for just a second, take a moment to look at all those stars we'll realise just how small and insignificant we are and how utterly stupid and petty it is to worry if our neighbours or classmates like us, to be upset about a bad grade, to be sad that only three kids from the twenty you invited actually turned up at your birthday party..."

She trailed off, realising how much of her childhood she had revealed, her cheeks tinging pink.

"Fact is," she continued, trying to smooth over her embarrassment, "all our problems, are just that: problems. They're nuisances, bothersome, nag us, but can be solved. Dad was convinced that life only throws things our way that we can manage... He used to say that that is also the reason why we still haven't had any contact with species out there," she swept her hand in the direction of the sky, "we aren't ready for it, not yet anyway.

"He was such a geek about it, so many Muggles are.. As a child I was fascinated, enraptured by his believe, then I grew older and started to listen to him only halfheartedly, smiling and nodding along, amused by his antics; but now... now that he isn't around anymore.. I don't know.."

She broke off her reminiscent tone had slowly turned more and more depressed. But this time he didn't try to change the subject to make her smile again, instead he lightly touched her shoulder so that she turned to look him in the eyes and asked quietly: "What happened to your parents?" dreading the answer.

She seemed genuinely surprised as she asked back: "You don't konw?"

He just shook his head in negative.

"Oh..." She murmured. "I thought everyone knew..."

She sighted, pushing some stray curls behind her ear and looking at the night sky again.

"When I asked them to go into hiding just over a year ago, they wouldn't do it , at least not without me.. but I couldn't just go with them, couldn't just up and leave, I had to help Harry.. but, on the other hand, I couldn't _not_ do anything about them either, they'te my parents and they were a target – still are – and I couldn't risk to loose them... So I took their memories of me, of our life, of wizards, witches and magic.. even took their names and convinced them to move to Australia and start a new life there... don't know what happened since then.. don't even know _where_ in Australia they are. For all I know they could have moved again, or..."

Her voice broke and some tears rolled down her cheeks.

"Or be dead" she finished chocking the words out like it physically hurt her to pronounce them.

Angrily she wiped away the tears with the back of her hand, rubbing her eyes dry – she wasn't going to cry again – one breakdown a day was more than enough.

She turned to face Kingsley forcing a smile. "I'm going to head back, afterall tomorrow I've got school and it's already" she glanced down at her watch, "half past three! Huh! Who'd have thought?"

"Well it was well past one when I found you here.."

"It was? Oh.. well.. I guess this is goodbye then.." she shifted akwardly; was she supposed to hug him? Shake his hand? Just turn around and leave? Bothered, she bit her lower lip.

"You're right, it's late and I really should have left already hours ago." He turned around and went to the door leading back inside.

"Come on I'm going to take you back to Gryffindor Tower, can't have you roming the school at this hour all on your own and without even a wand to fight off the big bad guys that are lurking in the shadows, now can I?" He turned his head, throwing her a silly grin over his shoulder. Then, realising she was still leaning against the railing making no movement to follow him, he frowned: "You waiting for better times?"

She shook her head a smile appearing on her face as she caught up to him.

Walking beside him she asked: "So now I'm the damsel in distress that needs to be saved and protected?"

He laughed and replied: "Well let me think that through: You were standing all alone and defensless on top of a tower in the middle of the night, completely lost in your thoughts and with no means to protect yourself? Yup, definetly damsel in distress."

"And I was just sooo lucky that you found me, my strong protector!" she drawled sarcastically.

His grin twitched. "Now you're getting it, never ever take such luck for granted!"

"So my dear prince charming, where's your big, impressive white horse?" she asked turning around to look for it.

"Ah.. didn't know you were so much into details, next time I'll bring Gustav along and just to stay in theme I'll even climb the tower with only the help of your hair as a rope."

"Gustav? You called your big, impressive white horse Gustav?"

"What ever is wrong with Gustav? It's a strong name, a kings name – I think Swedens king is called Gustav – and to top it off it's a skandinavian name, therefore a fear-inspiring name."

It was her turn to laugh only to stop consciously as they reached the end of the tower and entered the more patrolled halls of the castle. It really wouldn't do for the Head Girl to be found out of her dorm already the second school night. Kingsley probably thought so too, as he didn't even try to iniciate another conversation. They made their way all across Hogwarts in complete silence, even trying to keep their steps as light as possible.

Arrived at the ingress to Gryffindor Tower, she bit her lip again feeling akward – how was she supposed to say goodbye?

She turned to face Kingsley, but had not enough courage to look him right in the eyes. God she hated situations in which she didn't know what to do.

"Soo.." she started "we're here..." she finished, after thinking and not finding something better to say.

"Yes we are." He conceded, laughter easily heart in his voice.

His gaze moved to the portraited behind her.

"You plan on going in?" he asked her after a few moments in which Hermione didn't say or do anything.

"Uhh.. yes.. sure.. just.." her cheeks turned pink again, making his smile widen "Just wanted to say goodbye and thank you, you know for this afternoon" her cheeks turned a even darker shade of pink, "and well for listening.. so thanks, I guess."

Oh, this was embarassing.

He was grinning from ear to ear by now and just shrugged. "Your welcome and thank you too."

He was about to move forward to give her quick hug and see if she could get even more flustered when a third voice spoke up:

"Oh you're so not making out infront of me! Enough that you dared to wake me up with your chatting, you know there are people who actually enjoy their sleeping and who need their beauty sleep! And you missy! Do you even realise how late it is, or should I say how early? Being out all this time with a boy! You should really set a better example being Head Girl... you know in my time such beheviour was not only totally inapropriate and inacaptable, but also severly punished! _And_" she looked at Kingsley more closely, "isn't he a bit old for you?"

Her eyes narrowed "You're not some new teacher are you? Because if you are I really have no other choice but to tell the Hedmistress. We do not tollerate Teachers seducing poor, unsuspecting students here at Hogwarts, I'll tell you!"

She looked at Kingsley expectantly and he shook his head trying his hardest to look demurly and affronted at the thought of a student-teacher-relationship, and not letting the laughter that was bubbling inside of him break out.

"No techer ma'am"

She continued to scrutinize him for another few moments. "I belive you. But I'll ask around and if I find out that you are afterall a techer and that you lied in my face..."

She left the treat unfinished probably not able to think what she could do as a drawing.

"I think it'd be best for me to be going now.. Goodbye" he said to the Fat Lady, and turning his gaze to Hermione he added "And goodnight."

He turned on his heel and left.

"You know" the portrait continued after a short moment still staring where Kingsley just turned a corner "he may be a tad old for you, honey, but I can see why you'd pick him over the silly, hormonal boys you find around here.. a real man that one is.. and soo good looking too. Proves you have some tasted after all! I was worried about you as you seemed so atracted to that red haired, freckled boy - really can't see what you saw in that one.. Thankfully just a phase thought.."

Hermione just rolled her eyes muttered the password and swept past the silly old bint.

* * *

_**A/N: **Big thanks to Mini-Chobi and Greekchic!_

_Please review!_


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